我要面對兩個現實世界
一個醒著的時候
一個睡著的時候
它們比起來
並沒有誰是比較好的
醒著的時候 一切就像一灘死水
身心的疲憊 讓我用緩慢到接近靜止的速度 維持著自己不得不的存在
讓我與這個繁忙的世界格格不入
睡著的時候 一切就像一台巨大的攪拌機
每天的夢境 已然讓我不知該用什麼詞去形容
惡心？恐怖？離奇？真實得已讓我觸手可及
夢魘纏身 一旦入睡 一切都將未知 一切都無法控制
精神的疲憊 每睡一覺 睜開眼就好似過完了一生
醒著的時候那些被我強行封印起來的東西 在我入睡後 用自己的替身開始大肆迎風作亂
我不知道自己到底是該醒 還是該睡？
Basically, I’m just like living two lives —— one in the daytime, and the other at bedtime.
The daytime one is in reality. I tried to control myself and manage everything around me, so that making sure I could have a boring but peaceful life without any big fluctuations, which could easily kill me and drag me to hell.
The bedtime one that is inside my nightmares is like hell. I kept dreaming of the same group of people almost every night. The way they appeared each night was different, and the thing that happened each night was also different. But everything I experienced in that life could fuck up my whole life. I could not control anything in that life, even wake myself up to end it, I had to experience everything.
The life inside of the nightmares keeps reminding me of those people, whom I want to be fade, as well as things that I want to be forgotten in real life. All the sensations and consciousness generated in that life have been transferred to this life, and make this life much worse.