I’m already 30 years old, but I can barely be a proper “adult”. I still don’t have a stable job, don’t have savings, and the money I earn each month can only just support myself. People I used to know my age, either working in well-known companies, had very “good-looking” qualifications, or were already got kid/kids. Everyone is on the way to being a qualified adult. Even though I don’t really care about these things, sometimes they still bring me anxiety. I guess social norms are just like viruses that affect us in every way.
I’m a person who has always been living on the edge of this human world. Ever since I lost my sense of belonging at age 11, I’ve been feeling that I don’t belong in this world. “Alienation”? “Divergent”? I don’t really know how I can describe it. The self-doubt, self-denial, and self-loathing just always keep spinning in my head. The gap between my own world and reality has caused too much pain, and it keeps tearing me apart.
I have been trying my best to keep this life continuing, in every way that I could think of, but sometimes I really don’t know what to do anymore.